well this is kind of awkward, after not posting on here for a long time. you know? i don't know why, but posting on here for me seems to come in little spurts. i go through periods of life when i post and then i either loose interest or forget about it. i don't know if its worth it or not but i think I'm going to try to start posting a little bit again. when i say i don't know if its worth it or not, i mean i don't if people out there still check up on me and this space. but i guess i originally didn't start writing here because i wanted people to read what i had to say. i actually don't remember what the original reason was that i started this blog. it probably had something to do with my dad blogging and me wanting to be like him.

Anyway, my life the past few months have been interesting to say the least. a lot of stuff has happened. both bad and good. and i guess at the heart of it, I'm learning from it. which is always a good thing. i still dont know what im doing next year. but hopefully that'll come soon. i really want it to include music so im looking into that. who knows what will happen.

Speaking of music, I've released an EP on my band camp page. if you have a chance, you should give it a listen. and then if you liked it, you should tell all your friends about it. that would be sweet of you.

anyways, i think I've written enough for one night. My friend, at the end of every one of his post's he puts lyrics, pertaining to that post. and i kinda like that idea, so im going to do a variation of that. im going to do exactly what he does, but i will put lyrics to a song that i listened to while writing, and the lyrics might not have anything to do with the post. so lets see how it goes.

"I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time
Oh what a beautiful view
If you were never aware of what was around you"
Marching Bands Of Manhattan by Death Cab For Cutie

This is becoming real. it almost here. i can almost touch it. im going to Haiti on Friday, July 10. im going as part of a missions team, on a missions trip. there's only really 4 days left, but i know that the time till then will go fast. and i know that i may very well be nervous, scared, etc. (i kinda am already) but those are just human emotions, human feelings. more people then i know, and realize are praying for me. so really, i have nothing to fear, nothing to be afraid of. but i am still human, so i still have human feelings. its kinda stupid. i know god will protect us. he has it all planed out. but i still cant get passed my human body, my human body's fears, when my heart knows that there is nothing to fear. i know, i want to stress that. I Know, that if i die, i will go to heaven. now that i think about it, if i some how die, i don't want the people close to me to feel sad, because if i where still around, i would feel bad that i caused you, who ever you are, to feel this way. id want it to be a "celebration of my life" even if it is sappy :) *if i do some how die, i want my family to play some of my favorite music at my funeral. and i wanna be barried by papa.* these are all real thoughts that im having right now. and it would be a lie to not say it. i don't think im going to die, going over there, or else you probably wouldn't get me onto the plane. its as simple as that, i don't think im gonna die. and if i do some how die, ill see you in heaven where we'll party it up  :) its as simple as that. i might get travelers sickness or something, which would make the trip that much less enjoyable, wait, who knows. me getting sick might some how make the trip more enjoyable. that's how god works. he always has worked like that. and i don't expect him to change. hes cool like that. if your the praying type, you could pray for the fact that im not bringing any electronics over. im a little bit worried bout the no music. because if you know me well, you know my passion is music, and im not sure how ill live for 10 days with out music. it might be a struggle. but who knows. ill try to journal while im there, about the stuff i see, i probably wont even journal, ill probably just write what i see. and illl try 'n get a disposable camera. but anyway, please pray for me and the group of friends im going with. were leaving this Friday and i think 7 am, so we have to get up at 3 am or something like that. and we get back on the 10th around 7 or 9 pm, im not sure which one. we're flying into and out of Edmonton international airport. this'll be my first time time stepping onto an airplane, and leaving the country. so pray for that. but like i said before, more people then i know are praying for us. and you know what? i believe it all helps.

we are going to help out/work at at Dr.Manno's clinic. my understanding of it is that they're building a hospital, or something like that, and so we're gonna help out. Janelle Peterson is a person in our conference working in dr.Manno's clinic. heres her blog. i keep saying and hearing other people say that we aren't going to change all of the Haitian peoples life's, but rather that were going so that they can change and impact ours. im not really certain on what im going to learn, on what ill take home with me. but i know that ill probably be a difrent me. i know that i will be impacted. whether big or small. i know that god has a plan for me.

i feel a hole lot beter about going on friday now that ive written and poured out myself to you, whom ever you may be.
lots of love- micah.

Everything connects. seriously. i think i figured out why i haven't been posting at all lately. but its a reason that I'm not sure if i want to be sharing it, this public yet. but I'm working on it. one person at a time. but the reason I've come back to this space is god. the last few days have been amazing. nothing special. just your normal, average, day. but they were good. and that hasn't happened in a long while. its god. and i have my reasons to say that.
today a close friend asked me to pray for her who has to drive to Leduc tomorrow. and the roads are going to be crappy. me knowing me, knew i would probably forget. and so i wrote it on my arm. i think this might be a possibly good practice to do. because then when i look at my arm, i wont forget. its a physical reminder. and it reminds me to pray there and then to pray.
i think that this space, this blog is just as much gods blog as it is mine. for instance. when me and god aren't close for a few months, i don't feel led to write here. i don't have enough energy to write here. but when I'm at a high with god, like now, i feel led to write. and so that's what i do. i write. these are just some observations I've noticed. and i still don't know what it means.
but please, if you are of the praying kind, pray for me. for my walk with god. and just for my life in general. i know i need to be less... grumpy? angry? in my daily life. its been affecting the ones i love negatively. i think this also connects to the whole not high with god thing. and I'm still trying to figure that out as well.
see? everything connects. it all leads back to god right now. but ill leave you with that. and i will go to bed now.
until later.

this is part of something i wrote to a friend. just saying what im going threw lately;

Hey *****, tonight ive just been reflecting on camp. by looking at pics
on facebook and just remembering.

i really miss the community there, at camp. the god community. i
pretty much dont have that in my life now. sure i go to church every
sunday. but when i play or sing worship songs, im not jumping and
dancing around. im not singing with all of me. camp just had this
presence of god. and that was amazing, to live in his presence 24-7,
or almost 24-7 anyways :) i dont have that at all in my life right
now.
lately ive been going through a rough patch. being depressed and
just... angry. affecting everyone i love, everyone around me
negatively. i was a bum to be around, and i know it. this rough patch
i went through was also a patch without god. i was swearing and just
other things like that a lot. i was not with god. i didnt pray through
that time. even me writing this, i feel as if god some how has a part
in it. one thing i wish id remembered more while i was working this
summer, when i was getting stressed, and tired, and just mainly crabby
and cranky. that i was doing gods work, his ministry. and that when i
was going threw all that, that i should have prayed more about it.
thats what i did these past few weeks when i was depressed, i prayed.
that god would just  make his presence known to me. that he'd help me
stop sinning, and to re-knew me, my life. its a slow process, im still
not fully back to what i want. i want to be in his presence, i want to
be his friend. i want to talk to him, more like i do my friends. these
things are just a few of many things i want to grow in.

***

Being inspired, depressed, and a whole lot more.
i am most inspired when i am... i guess down. when im in a reflective, thinkitive mood. in the late hours of night.
i am most sinful when i am alone. when i am bored. when satan deceives me, and when i lie to myself.
i haven't found a way to control when im depressed. nor have i found a way to control being happy.
i am closest to god when i am outside. but i havent been out there in a long time.
right now im going threw a dark spell. its dark and cold out side. and all of these things ive said add up. and its hard. i hope this explains why to the people who truly know who i am.

music music music. ive been posting alot about music. so im just going to show you one thing then tell you how my day was.

Music isn't just a sound, its a passion. its the late nights and early mornings. music is new life, and old life. music is my dreams. its my medication and meditation. its my memory's of past and future. its love. its hate. its sadness. its joy. its Life and death. it is power and it is weakness. it is my high and low. its everything that it cant be. and yet nothing at all.

music is my passion. and i love it.

and now, my day, my day was normal. nothing interesting. nothing much to say, oh except that a good hug and a big smile can turn a day around. remember that.

so, these past few days have been going ok. its... difrent. for sure not in a bad way. i could use prayer i think. theres something on my mind. well a few things anyways. one i dont know what it is. and the other i know i have to be pataint. or ill wreck it all and loose it. which is worse then now. so just be patient. breath in and out. pass the time. live. go to school. walk. walk. walk. music. pray. look up. listen. talk. email. etc... my mom and dad made it. he has some pics up on flickr if you want to check it out.

im listening to this. check it out.

i am utterly amazed, and astonished at the response i have been getting from the music and music videos ive been posting onto the internet. like, heres a quote. "every once in a while you meet someone who is an older soul...Micah i am proud of you and who you are what you are doing...keep doing it." -Natasha Westerhoud and ive been getting alot of "this is really good" and other things along those lines. i dont think im that good. i do enjoy my own music. and when i decided to try and follow it, by writing and posting songs, i had the mind set of "i enjoy my own music. and thats good enough for me. any one else who dosent like it can keep it to them self." but as far as i know, everyone whos replied to it has liked it alot. and if anyone didnt like it, then they've probably kept it to them self. but anyways, check it out. any let me know what YOU think of me.